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Bare Nanay

Motherhood | Marriage | Freelancing | Lifestyle

“Ako na mismo ang magsasabi sa’yo, maganda ka.” (Let me be the one to tell you, you’re beautiful)



This was my reply to a mummy-friend who was worried about how her husband would think of her with all the dark lines on her tummy.



No man, in his right mind, would ever think of his wife unattractive just because there are now stretchmarks on a previously flawless belly.



I had been advocating on helping out mums ever since the third trimester of my pregnancy, and I read about ugly moments all the time. Mums want to know how to prevent the lines from coming. They want to know if it can be removed and what products they can use to do so. They want to know if not scratching when it itches like crazy will help.



Just like other mums, I tried. My husband bought Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Lotion when I was four months pregnant. I never scratched my tummy. Five, six, seven months went by and nothing. I thought I was spared, but on the eighth month, voila! They came ever so slowly, one by one, until they were higher than my bellybutton. They were dark, dark red lines screaming on my skin. I even have them on my right breast!



But I loved them.



I wore my pre-pregnancy shirts at home, so my tummy was out, most of the time. Whenever I get visitors, and they keep asking why they’re so dark, and my girl friends seem to be on the verge of considering staying childless.



But I loved them.



I conceived Khale on the 26th of September 2014, and he grew and grew and the lines appeared.



And he grew some more inside until he was eight pounds. He came out via caesarean section on the 7th of July 2015. The vertical cut across my tummy became another permanent line.



But I love them.



See, whenever I see those dark lines on my belly, I think about how Khale used to be there. It was his first home, and the reason why I had those lines was because I nourished a life inside of me that needed an embrace and the warmth that only my belly can provide.



I am happy because it meant he grew.



This post is for the women who have these marks, whether they are dark red or have turned light already. Remember that for nine months, behind them was life; and that life is now or will soon be a baby that you hold in your arms and in your heart. Remember that you’re a mother and you will always be beautiful.



Khale is turning seven months, soon. Sometimes, I lie down on the mat with him sitting beside me, pulling my shirt up to feed. He would look at my tummy, and I tell him, “This used to be your home”.



And he would smile at me, and place his head on my tummy.



And I loved that.

11:45 AM 20 comments
While typing this, it’s the 7th of January 2016. My son is six months old. It means I had been breastfeeding him for six months already.

Wow!

I thought I’d be back in corporate, by this time, but I don’t seem to be anywhere near working outside the home anytime soon.

Six months, and to some, that’s not even half. I know people who breastfed for four years and more, and here I am, proud of half a year. But mummies, breastfeeding, no matter how many days or weeks or months or years, is always an achievement on its own.

Some people would think of us frugal or poor or lazy (because we only need to do side lying at night to feed our babies), but breastfeeding takes a lot of effort and sacrifice and so much of our time.

I had been counseling, encouraging, and supporting mums and mums-to-be in their own breastfeeding journeys even before Khale was born, and these are a few points (which I remember, and I swear I will edit once something crosses my mind)  I share with my counselees:

1. Research
I was on my second trimester when I found out about Breastfeeding Pinays, a support group/forum for breastfeeding mothers in the Philippines.

By the time I gave birth, what I have learned from the group gave me confidence. Knowledge is power. Knowing about colostrum will keep you sane on the first few days of your baby’s life. Knowing you should not pump earlier than six weeks will save you from a lot of pain. Knowing not to give water or vitamins earlier than six months will save and protect your baby’s life and your pockets.

Information will help you not to give in to formula-feeding on your baby’s nth cry.



2. Get breastfeeding advocate doctors and hospital. 
An advocate OB-Gyn will never give you mother’s milk and will encourage you that if you need nutrients in your life, there are a lot of more nutritious food in the planet which will save you a lot of money. She will also wholeheartedly put your baby on your tummy for it to crawl towards your breast for that first latch.

An advocate pediatrician will never give your child water or vitamins unless there’s proven deficiency. She will care about your baby’s virgin gut and not immediately blame your breastmilk when your baby shows up with yellowish skin on his first check up. She will not instruct nurses to give your baby glucose water or formula milk while you’re in the recovery room.

I have seen three pediatricians for my baby: one original breastfeeding advocate, one for vaccines, and one for emergencies. The one for vaccines advised me to give vitamins, which I never gave. The one for emergency said that my baby didn’t need vitamins because he was overweight when he was two months. I checked on this. He wasn’t overweight. Our original pediatrician, however, supported us from day one. On my baby’s first check up, she never gave vitamins. I remember wanting to hug her when she told us, “Mommy and Daddy, bibigyan ko po kayo ng Cattleya notebook as our baby book kasi wala pa ako nung galing sa formula milk companies since hindi po ako tumatanggap nun. (Mommy and Daddy, I will give you a Cattleya notebook as our baby book because I don’t have the ones from formula milk companies since I don’t accept them.)” She was for keeps.

I gave birth at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Sta. Mesa, Manila. As I didn't decide on breastfeeding as early as the first trimester, I was more than happy to have noticed the breastfeeding tarpaulin on Milk Code and Rooming In Act in the hospital. They also don't have a nursery.

3. Find support.
My husband is my number one supporter. When we were getting ready for childbirth, he conditioned himself to encourage me when the going gets tough and to remind me why we started in the first place. He attended every breastfeeding seminar with me, and recently, I trained and graduated as an Arugaan-trained Breastfeeding Peer Counselor with him and our baby by my side.

And it’s not just the husband. It is important that members of the household support you in your decision to breastfeed as they will play vital roles in your success. It can be your partner, mother, father, siblings, in-laws or even the nannies. There will be low moments no matter how many happy hormones breastfeeding can produce, and it's such a great relief and comfort when these people tell you not to give up when on the verge of doing so.

My husband’s such a wonderful example for this that I’ll dedicate one blog post entirely on his support.



4. Create a birth plan.
Your birthing experience should be about you and your child and not your doctor’s. Although, unang yakap and immediate rooming-in are protocols protected by law, I always suggest to write that on paper just so it’s clear and have the doctor sign it. I always hear horror stories of mums where they were not oriented about these things and they felt cheated and betrayed. Now, there’s no more reason to feel that way.

5. Ditch the bottles. Better yet, don’t buy one.
My baby is six months old. To tell you honestly, we never owned a single one. I know a lot of mothers who breastfeed their babies exclusively, but people I personally know are always surprised by the fact that my baby has never tasted anything else other than my milk (except for tomorrow, since we will be starting on solid food).

I’m not sure if it was the day after or the next, when my mother’s high school best friend came to visit in the hospital. Her friend was asked what my baby’s milk was, and she boasted that I am the only source and that we never brought bottles with us.

It’s interconnected. If you’re not well-informed and/or distrusting of yourself, you will panic when you don’t see “white milk” squirting out of your nipples, so when the hospital staff (god forbid) tells you to buy formula the temptation will even be greater with the bottles on hand. And there’s such a thing called nipple confusion and it is very very real.

So don’t.

6. Trust yourself and be determined.
You have breasts for a purpose. If cows, dogs, cats and every mammal on this planet can feed their young, why can’t we? Trust your body’s capacity to produce the food that your baby needs.

Trust and determination tells you that you have milk and that it doesn’t need to be squirting in the first few days. They tell you that you are producing enough even when you cannot measure how much milk there really is in you.

Breastfeeding is 90% psychological and 10% physiological, so hype yourself.

7. Latch on and hydrate.
Supplements may or may not help you. You can take it. If it works, then great. If it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.

I used to take malunggay capsules, until I just ditched them too because it didn’t really make any difference.

What will ensure a steady supply is to direct latch, feed on demand and stay hydrated. The baby will always be the best person to bring that milk out.

8. Stay happy.
Happy hormones help in milk production. Need I say more?

I always tell my newfound friends that breastfeeding takes two to tango and that they should get all the support that they need; that it is part milk, part trust, and part determination; that there will be people who will judge us no matter how much we explain, but what’s important is that we keep doing what’s best for our children; and that if we can’t encourage them, then at least let us not allow them to discourage us. Their words can only affect us if we let them.

So mums and mums-to-be, and husbands (I hope you let them read this, too), good luck on your journey. I hope these few pointers will be able to help you.

Keep calm, and latch on!
9:01 PM 29 comments
I have not considered breastfeeding until I was invited by a couple of friends to join Breastfeeding Pinays. I was a first time mum, a recently resigned executive and was formula-fed as a child, so breastfeeding was not really an option that I had in mind. I wanted to go back to work after the pregnancy, but I was curious. I read through the group’s posts, comments, FAQs and info graphics. I did my own research and shared it to my husband, and then we decided that work would just have to wait for next time because I will exclusively breastfeed our son.

My husband and I attended L.A.T.C.H.’s breastfeeding class. We created a birth plan, discussed it with my OB, and made sure that we will get a breastfeeding advocate pediatrician. My mum and my in-laws kept pushing me to mix feed with formula. They said it will be exhausting and painful and I will not be able to get anything done, but we remained firm with our decision and never bought any bottles or formula milk for that “just-in-case-I-don’t-have-milk moment” because we read that women (even adoptive mums and grandmas, for that matter) has milk, and I needed to trust myself with that.



After almost twelve hours of induced labor, I gave birth via emergency C-Section. Sadly, we were not able to perform the Unang Yakap despite knowing that we could. We were in so much panic and I was not exactly myself with the anesthesia taking effect in my system. During the first two weeks, my breasts would hurt so badly that I just wanted to take a break, and my husband would tell me I could do it because it was for our baby, and I moved on. Other than those, I never really had a problem with breastfeeding. Khale gave me a hard time and never really listened to me when I told him to come out already when I was pregnant with him and overdue, but breastfeeding came so naturally for us. He is now a healthy, more than 8-kg six month old feeding from Nanay since July 7, 2015.



Last November 14 and 15, I trained to become a peer counselor. I signed up before I was even able to gather funds for the training. Luckily, my husband’s grandmother who was extremely proud of what I do was generous enough to send me to the training along with my husband and our son. I had been counseling mums with theory even before Khale was born, but being able to attend the training combined with my experience gave me a sense of credibility.



Apart from benefiting my family, I wanted sustainability for families around me. I wanted to bring the knowledge and experience that I have to other mums by conducting small seminars. I wanted to educate people that breastfeeding is not only beneficial to the baby, but to the entire family and the community, as well. They always say that breastfeeding is a great equalizer, and it is so heartbreaking to see how formula milk has seeped through the minds of even the poorest of families who could have used the money for a healthier option or a different necessity. I talk about this advocacy all the time, and a friend of mine once told me that I should never be ashamed to share about something I feel strongly about.



One of the things that keep me going are the kind words I have received from fellow mums. My mum and in-laws are now supportive of breastfeeding. One mum all the way from Canada told me that she had been following my posts and that I am one of her inspirations. A former colleague once told me I made breastfeeding sound so beautiful that she started looking forward to the day she would do so to her own. Friends are now referring me to their friends, and I answer every single one of them and if I can, I meet them. My most memorable is from a mum in Naga City, roughly ten hours or so away from where I live, whom I had been in touch since she was pregnant. She said, “Ano na lang gagawin ko kung wala ka?” (What will I do without you?) My heart is definitely full and these are what keep me going. In my family, every mother that I help in their journey is another healthy baby.



My husband said, if he wins the lottery, he would send me to medical school, so I could be either an OB-Gyn or a pediatrician and be able to reach out to more. He calls my passion for breastfeeding as my “career” and I love every bit of time I spend counseling other mums and meeting them.

I thank god that I have never experienced hurtful words from people I know. Some words stung me. They pass it on as jokes, but never extremely painful to the point that I would consider unfriending them. Strangers often commend me for what I do.

I once met a grandmother who sat beside us in a mall. She looked at me intently while I was breastfeeding, and I thought I was getting the first most painful bashing in my life. But she, instead, asked me how old my son was and how long I had been breastfeeding him. She then went on into telling me her own wonderful story of how she breastfed all four of her children and how it saved her from breast cancer.

We want that for our son, and for your children. We are raising our son in a way that he will one day encourage our future daughter-in-law to breastfeed, and my husband and I will be there to support them. He will grow up respecting women who will breastfeed during his time because he was raised by a woman who gave him her own.

I want something this beautiful to continue nourishing our young ones from this generation to the next, and we need to start with ourselves. We need to start now. We need to be proud.



I breastfeed my son because they say when you love someone, you give him the best.

This is the best of me, and I am willing to share it to you.
8:51 PM 26 comments
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Hello! I'm Nanay Nini

Mom | Wife
Digital Marketer | Copywriter | Blogger
Breastfeeding Peer Counselor
Homeschooler
Speaker

Work with me: niezhining@gmail.com

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