It was the simplest yet one of the most meaningful celebrations I had in 30 years.

Here I go again, my second entry for the year. I've mentioned in my first entry that I wanted to write once everything's stable for us, but it's my birthday after all.

2017 drained us.

My husband sent a message one October night (last year) while he was at work. He said his position was made redundant and that they couldn't give him projects anymore because, in their own words, "he finished them all".

He was so down. It must be the saddest state I have ever seen him in.

It was a good paying job and with my salary from my online jobs plus the income from our small retail business, we had more than enough. Then we plummeted real quick.

We were paying rent in Manila. We all know how expensive it is over there. We paid utilities and occasional trips to the doctor. We were also paying for a house and lot property.

It was all so sudden and hazy and we still haven't gotten back up.

But we're ok. We are being tested, and we are ok.


Thankful for...

SocialGen Family

I thank God, because I have work, two jobs at that, and they keep us afloat. Gab never forced me to work, but I kept them. Other than the money, I have grown to love the people I work with. My birthday fell on a Wednesday, the 2nd of the 3 weekly huddles in my full time. The team sang a really slow happy birthday, and we all laughed. In my part time, everyone greeted me in Slack. :)

RWM loves: Ang tanging mga ex na binabalik-balikan in our annual Christmas Get-together

I thank God for the people he surrounded me with. We've received a lot of help from families and friends. We hope we will be able to repay your kindness soon.

Soon-to-rise :)

I thank God for the new chapter. We've moved to an apartment in the province, a town away from the property we bought. The developer was kind enough to assist us with our payments, while Gab is still unemployed, and the construction will start soon. The boys are enjoying the provincial life. We are happy.

Breastfeeding speaker for Millennial Moms PH's Mom Tribe with founder, Dette, and co-BFP Peer Counselors, Jenina and Keiko

Our students at A-Ha!

Raising Gen Z: Mommy Mundo's Janice Villanueva and Our Awesome Planet's Anton Diaz Photo courtesy of Mommy Mundo

I thank God for the happiness He has given me in the form of events and volunteer work. The events may not be as frequent now that we have left the metro for good and I may not be able to teach to the kids at A-ha, anymore, but I'm glad to have done them. I still have the breastfeeding advocacy to share, no matter where I am.

So now, I'm going to tell the story...

Finding a random village horse

I wanted to do a separate post on the trials we had to go through when we've surpassed it already, but it's still taking some time, so I will just tell you about the little victories.
Gab was hired for a Saudi-based company last December. I am not a fan of LDR, having lived all my life with a distant father who saw us a month every year. But I was happy for him. I was happy because he was happy. I knew how much it hurt him to not be able to provide for us financially, so when the Saudi offer came I just had to support him.

Having fun at Nanay's college

I dreaded everyday, though, that it might just be Popy and I on my 30th birthday. I felt like it was a milestone I needed to celebrate but it felt lonely not to have Gab around.

But God allowed me to celebrate with my two boys. :)

I thank God because my husband may not have work outside, but he's doing such a great job as a husband and a father. There's coffee and sandwich brought to my workstation every morning. He eats breakfast with Popy, gives him a bath and even teaches him the homeschool lesson for day. I'd hear them laughing, and he'd go telling our Popy that, maybe, the reason why he lost his job is so that he can spend sometime with us.

Homeschooling Popy

One time, our landlady asked me how I'd manage when Gab starts working again because she knew I have work then there's our very active toddler and the chores and she noticed my husband does the laundry.

I said I could do it. I used to do it. Even when he had work, Gab would still help me with the chores and take care of Popy whenever he was home. It's just that, since he's here, he's allowed me to focus on work when it's my shift, and he looks after everything else to lessen my worries.

While I often hear husband horror stories of husbands and fathers who feel like they do not need to take part in any chore at home nor in taking care of their children because "it's the wife's/mom's job", my husband does everything out of love for our little family and out of his appreciation for me for remaining strong.

Make a wish.




This year, as I blew out the candle on my birthday cake, I only prayed for one thing:

That my dear Gab can finally get back on his feet. 

This year, my wish is for him because providing for us makes him happy. His happiness will resonate in our home, and I want that.

A new year...

I pray that this year will be better and that God will appreciate our resilience as a family.

My sister once said, "You've faced challenges before. You can face and win over this one".

We will come out stronger after all these.

Life is still beautiful and I'm thankful for the three decades that I have lived. It was thirty years worth it.

31 months.

That's how long I've been breastfeeding.

Once upon a time I was a pregnant woman standing in the formula milk aisle during grocery day thinking what we'd buy when our son comes out. I was formula-fed as a child. My husband was formula-fed. Plus we grew up with those 90s gifted child commercials, so it came out like an easy choice for us. 

A couple of friends (two, actually), sent me messages about joining Breastfeeding Pinays (BFP). Let me name them, Atheena and Jhurine, because I owe this journey to them, big time. I wouldn't have an inkling on breastfeeding had it not been for their encouragement. It was around the 1st trimester and I did join, but I wasn't active.

I'm not sure what happened then or what I read that had me wanting to "check" if I can do it. At 31 weeks, I found myself sitting with my husband in a breastfeeding class organized by LATCH at The Medical City.

Two months after giving birth, I was in another one, still by LATCH in a different venue.

The force was strong on this one. I was so engrossed. I even got starstruck with Mummy Claire, a LATCH and Arugaan Peer Counselor who I met in the 2nd class.

Another two months, I trained to become a BFP and Arugaan Breastfeeding Peer Counselor with my husband and son in tow.

The journey wasn't easy. Contrary to what a lot of my counselees think, not all peer counselors have or had it easy.

I haven't even given birth yet, but my in-laws and my mom were already doubting my milk supply. My dad has nothing to say about it (haha). There was this issue with my husband, too, because he was starting believe his parents and doubt what I've been researching. I can go on with the number of people who discouraged me. There were a lot of them.

I debunked all their thoughts. They all believe me now. :)

There were sleepless nights. There were 5am dramas because Popy woke up to nurse and wouldn't sleep again. I would cry and say Popy doesn't love me. There was a time I was rushed to ER because the engorgement was causing me fever. There was that morning when I woke up with blood on my shirt because Popy bit me. I even used to cry every time my shirt touched my nipples because they hurt so much it felt like it was getting peeled and I wanted to give up. I'm not discouraging you here. It's different with every mom and this was just mine, and hey, I triumphed!

My husband (yes, the former doubter) would tell me:

"Remember why we started."

So we pushed to come to this. We didn't have it easy, but we can rose above it.

If I ever had motivation, honestly, it was the savings. I was a SaHM then and my husband's salary was just enough for our daily needs. The only way I could help financially was to breastfeed (and cloth diaper), so we won't have to buy milk. We didn't even buy a crib and stroller because we couldn't afford them. Our baby carrier was the cheapest safety-tested ergonomic carrier that we found.

But moving on my breastfeeding Popy branched to more areas where we can save. We gave our son a healthier start in life, so he will have better chances of not getting sick and if he doesn't get sick then we won't spend money for medical bills and my husband won't need to file for a leave. He wasn't a regular employee yet back then and was still on proby, so he didn't have paid leaves just yet. I breastfeed also because I already have a heart ailment and I learned it helps lessen risks of diabetes and cancer (at least I can be safe from those, and seriously, I can only afford one ailment).

We're all a little scared, a little insecure. But we all need to start somewhere, and we could, at least try.

I came from that, too.

MommiEvents' BRAVE: Breastfeeding Boudoir & Family Photo Session

My mummy friend and colleague, told me she signed up for a breastfeeding photoshoot last November. I wanted to join, too, but didn't have the means because my husband lost his job a month back and was still struggling to find one.

Jorelle Vetus and the boys!

After the shoot, Jorelle, this woman out of my own heart who's still breastfeeding too, said she thinks I should do it too, and that she'd take care of the fee for the meantime. My husband had applications abroad, and she wanted us to have nice photos as a family and while breastfeeding for souvenirs.

So we signed up for Batch 2 thanks to the Vetuses!

Our family friend supported us full-time from staying overnight at their place, so we can make it to the early schedule to hatid-sundo to and from the venue.

Great news Breastfeeding Mommas!

Poster credits to MommiEvents

MommiEvents will be having their 3rd Batch of BRAVE: Breastfeeding Boudoir & Family Photos Session.

In partnership with When In Manila, BRAVE Batch 3 will be in March 24, Saturday, from 10am to 4:30pm at The Hollow Box Studio & Creative Space.

Registration fee is Php 2,500, which already includes 3 layouts (5 edited images each), hair & makeup and the 30-min shoot.

You may reserve your slots at www.mommievents.com.

Check out MommiEvents FB page for more details.

Lessons and thanksgiving

Breastfeeding has taught me to trust myself a little bit more and to believe that I can give so much more. It even allowed me to gain new friends, from moms who share the same advocacy to counselees to doctors.

So here's to my little family:

To my husband for always supporting me and to our son who sparks every bit of inspiration in our lives.

And to everyone who's planning to walk the same journey:

Read.
Find support and I hope you find the best kind in your own family.
Trust.
Be brave.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I assure you, there are a lot of people who are more than willing to walk with you every step of the way.

I was told that when you love someone, you give him the best...
...and this is THE BEST OF ME.


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HMUA: Makeup by Kat Orbista & Pretty Me Gerlyn
All photos in this article were shot by Photographer: Louise Manuel-Portillo of The Hollow Box